A bit of Advice

A bit of advice

(July 2017) A while back I met with a bride-to-be for a wedding consultation. While we went through the details of her event, I asked, “So why this day?” Her wedding was scheduled for St. Patrick’s Day, March 17. Up to that point, she had not really indicated anything about an Irish theme.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she responded. “I think spring is just a nice time of year. Everything is starting to bloom and turn green ….”

Then her maid of honor, who was present, spoke up. “Tell him the REAL reason,” she urged.

Again, the bride deferred to the time of year as being her favorite, but her maid of honor again nodded her head, smiled, and pressed for her to give me the real reason. She finally gave in.

“Okay,” she said. “We are at that age where we are going to 5 to 10 weddings every year now. We noticed when we go to the first couple of weddings of the year we are all in. We dance, we party … but by the time we go to those last couple we’re like ‘Okay, let’s stay through dinner and then we’re out of there.’

“Not only that,” she continued, “but we’ve found that those first couple of weddings we go to we’ll throw $50 into the card. By the last one, we’re like ‘Let’s give ‘em $20!’”

Aha! Good observation. That was a couple of years ago, and since then I’ve paid a bit more attention to what she observed. I’ve noticed that weddings in the early season (whatever your wedding season may be in your locale) do seem to have much more energy than those that take place in the last month or so. I’ve also noticed that many of my fellow wedding professionals seem to tire of the ritual routine by the year’s end: photographers and videographers are a bit more in a hurry to get their pictures so they can be on their way, bartenders and servers may have lost that friendly smile, and banquet managers might not have the same enthusiasm when the “finish line” is near.

“I just want to get through these last couple and be done for the year,” one said to me late last October.

"We noticed when we go to the first couple of weddings of the year we are all in."

I too have noticed it, and I try to fight the burnout. Now, with two daughters in college and getting ever closer to that average marrying age, I wondered what other advice I could give them that, hopefully, will be instrumental in creating a memorable wedding day?

With that thought in mind, I decided to ask a number of my fellow wedding professionals this question: What wedding day advice would you give (not marriage advice, that’s a whole different subject that I’m sure I’m not qualified for) to your children, friends, or relatives to help create their perfect wedding day? What did I hear back? Here goes:

From fellow writer and DJ Jake Palmer of Mankato, MN: “Identify YOUR priority (food, location, party, etcetera...) and find the right professional to help you create that experience. Also, meet with a vendor out of your price range before you make your final decision.... You will learn a lot and you might find that your priority changes.”

Scott Faver, Phoenix DJ: “Hire a professional planner. The right planner can save a couple money, [and] match the

right services/vendors with the right couple.”

Mitch Taylor, Wedding DJ specialist and author (Sales For Event Pros), as well as a fellow columnist: “Spend money on the things and services that are important to you. Prioritize before you do anything else. Want steak and lobster? DO IT. Want the honeymoon in Fiji? Go for it.”

John Young, publisher, Disc Jockey News: “Focus your budget on things which would give the greatest memories of the day. [Don’t] over invest vast amounts of money into things guests won't care about or remember.”

Susan Giles [Alabama Wedding DJ]: “Turn off the Lifetime Movies.... Put down the Brides Magazine.... Take that idea of your ‘perfect’ wedding and throw it out the window. Glitches will happen—Trust your vendors to make sure the glitches are handled well.”

Neil Smith [Tennessee DJ]: “Book the venue first. Don't try to cram too many things into your day, don't try to adhere to too strict a time line, and don't try to make it too long. Give it some breathing room and allow yourself to relax and enjoy the experience.”

And even from someone outside of our borders, DJ Nick Logan of Auckland, New Zealand:  “Brides shouldn't be afraid of asking ‘Why?’ of vendors. Why is it done this way? Why is this the BEST way? In turn the vendors should be asking ‘Why?’ too—why are you doing it this way and what are you wanting to achieve?”

I also went outside of our DJ community to get some perspective from other wedding professionals.

Ky Smith [wedding officiant]: “Even if you plan to DIY, understand that those things cost money and take time. Be realistic in what you want vs. what you can AFFORD. And make everything about YOUR day be a reflection of YOU, not someone else's idea of what it should be or what someone else did for theirs. From your officiant to the venue, flowers, food, décor, and especially the guest list—everything should be a direct reflection of who you are as individuals and as a couple—every day, but especially on your special day!”

Terry B. Marrow [Banquet Manager, Ridgefield, Conn.]: “Don't stress the small stuff. A wedding is a fabulous party you are throwing to celebrate a beginning. People want to remember the party and the love, so let little things go.”

Cheryl Pedley (Canadian wedding officiant]: “Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter. At the end of the day you'll be married so don't stress. There is no reason in the world to give your guests party favours. You just bought them dinner.”

And here is mine: I agree with my bride who set this whole quest in motion: “Get married in the early part of the ‘wedding season.’ Both the guests and your vendors seem to be more in the moment. Also, avoid the urge for an outdoor event. There’s nothing more beautiful than being one with Mother Nature on a late spring or early autumn day—unless it rains, or gets unseasonably hot or cold, or the wind decides to blow all day.”

And finally, I would tell them, “Don’t be compelled to do something the way your vendors want you to just because that’s the way they always do it. Work with vendors who are open to your ideas.”

The way I see it, this is all probably good advice and may be a better fit in a bridal magazine, but these are tidbits we can share with our couples, thus positioning ourselves as a helpful expert for their wedding plans.

Until next month,

~ Michael ~

Michael J. Lenstra is a self-described Wedding DJ and is celebrating over 25 years in the Mobile DJ industry. He is a full-time DJ/Entertainer, and is owner of Alexxus Entertainment in Dubuque, Iowa